True Self
by AkdC
Summary: AE (Alternate Ending)/ONE-SHOT/Anime with hints of OVA/ As Mato breaks down after the sight of Yomi, a voice urges her to realize what she really wants. Everything is on the line with Mato's decision.


I... killed Yomi.

Just when I was determined to save her from this grief, _I_ drove my sword through her. I thought I came at the right time but...

It was too late for _everything_. It was _my_ fault Yomi's dead. No, it was my fault for being her source of grief. The one whom I've tried to befriend now slipped by my fingers, not coming back anymore to me no matter what I try to do.

I couldn't bring myself to look at my long, white arms. These were the arms that ended Yomi's life. They were once pure and now, stained with someone else's blood.

This was too much to take in. It's too...

The word just doesn't fall in. I screamed at the top of my lungs, utterly confused and mad for what I have done.

_Why?_ Why would I kill her? There was no reason for me to do it. Then, why did _this _have to happen?

"_Tell me, please! I beg of you_," I thought. I do not know what's going on now.

Pain started to dwell on my right arm. It is as if someone tried cutting me with a gigantic knife. I gripped on it tightly, trying to endure the pain longer. But then, a sharper sensation washed over my whole shoulder.

"_It hurts. It hurts. Please, end this pain!"_

I felt like I am losing consciousness, my whole body starting to feel limp. My eyes suddenly closed and every color vanished.

For what seemed to be a few seconds, I heard a garbled voice. A feminine voice. It must be someone I know. It _did_ sound familiar, though I couldn't place it on anyone that I know.

"_Kuroi-kun… he-…. me,"_ the voice said. What was she trying to say? I don't understand! Why does she sound like… like… something is at stake now?

Despite the words being jumbled up, I managed to catch a few words and phrases. Somehow, it does not make me feel better. I don't relate to the story this voice tells me.

"_Silence! Be gone! Can't you see?!" _I tried saying, but I could sense that I won't be heard at all. My chest hurt so much. Tears started to flow to my cheeks when I felt another tingling sensation to my side.

"_Leave me alone! Let me be alone_," I thought. Another surge of pain stroked my chest.

_"Yes, that's it. _Despair. Sorrow. Hate. _The emotions you fail to recognize at all,"_ a new voice echoed through my head. It sounded someone else, a stranger. It seemed like my _own_ voice, only in a deeper pitch. "_It certainly feels so foreign, isn't it Mato? Feel it."_

I covered my ears. The Voice was making my pain stronger. "_Stop! No more, please!"_

"_Do you want the pain to end?" _the voice inquired. "_I could make it stop all together: your misery, your anger and most especially, your pain."_

Indeed, I don't like the pain. I have never thought of those concepts. No matter how much you put it, people always had goodness within. I _always_ knew that. I never got angry with someone for a petty reason. I had no intention of making someone hate me. Kagari had rejected me once, and the experience was scary enough to drive me out of my wits. I don't to feel that ever _again_.

"_Yes… Yes! Please, whoever you are, make this stop!"_ I shouted. Truth be told, this was very discomforting. "_It's painful. It hurts."_ The pain won't drop no matter what place I am. It felt like a searing hot metal was stuck in my torso.

"_It certainly is agonizing, isn't it?_" the Voice sneered. "_You've never felt this so much, Mato. Yuu, your '_friend,' _made you think by coming here at the other world would save Yomi. She helped you when it was all too late._"

Those thoughts the Voice spoke of were, in honesty, true. Something might be up with Yuu now. She just reached out to me when I frantically became worried for Yomi. Suddenly, the images of Yomi wincing in pain replayed in my eyes. Her face contorted in pain, with that sword piercing through her belly. The memories reinforced the pain dwelling in me. My eyes opened again and I curled up in ache.

"_You're Kuroi Mato. Nothing is ever painful or sorrowful to you, isn't it? So why, of all times, must you be writhing?_" the Voice hissed.

She… she's right. Nothing should be _this_ painful. And if it were, it would pass.

"_Yes, this pain would just pass. You want this sensation to end?_" the Voice inquired. The Voice seemed to know where to tickle my curiosity.

"_I… Yes! Please,_" I managed to blurt out despite the unwavering throbbing sensation on my head. Something cold pressed on my shoulder. I didn't dare to look, but someone was definitely behind me.

"Let us be one then," the Voice behind me whispered gently, making me drowsy. My eyes slowly closed as she turned me around. I couldn't make out most details on her body, but her face was something. Her skin was as white as a pearl. She had her hair in twin pigtails. The most fascinating feature of her was her eyes. She had purple eyes, and her left eye had a flame blazing purple too. Her pupils were red, sending waves of mental messages like _Run!_ But she held me in place, gripping me tightly but not too much.

"I am _your_ other self, and I do not have the wherewithal to experience such sensations," she said. "Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world of void? In a world where nothing is distressing?"

Her undertones made it possible for me to believe it. I _wanted_ to live in such a world. End these feelings I bear with me. Every single thing, I want to set it aside now.

"Yes," I muttered under my breath, almost a whisper. She let go my shoulders and smiled.

But it was not a smile that gives relief.

It was a smile of triumph, of darkness.

My eyes closed completely as I fall into a deep slumber, never knowing what happens now.

"This won't hurt a bit, Mato," the Voice murmured. Something glowed in front of me and I felt a momentary twinge in my gut. Then, nothing.

As I opened my eyes, everything was _bright_ but it didn't bother me at all. I wore a black armor, covering my chest. My favorite jacket, a black jacket with a star on its back, was on and I had worn black boots. I looked fearsome. The environment seemed to blaze all around me, fires wildly jetting up the sky.

Something flashed in front of me. I heard loud banging of guns, though I cannot be sure. The bullets were aiming at me, but as they touched my skin, it didn't hurt at all. Whoever was firing at me, she was definitely annoying me already. I started to advance, taking careful steps to the uneven ground.

The shooter was no more than a child. She wore a gray jacket, the hood wound up her head with white flames on it. Ribbons decorated her scorpion-like tail. She didn't have any organic legs or arms, but were mechanized. Several thousand rounds of bullets pointed toward me, but they did not harm me despite my body flowing purple blood. The pixie girl had beautiful white hair and hazel eyes. But she showed no emotion at all—at least, not when I immediately tried to attack her. Her eyes showed shock from whatever happened.

"_Mato!_" another voice called out. "_Mato, are you still yourself?!_" the new voice implored. I grinned maniacally as my lance pierced through the child. She screamed in horror as her whole body went limp. The whole ground shook violently as its mistress had gone into the ground.

"_Mato, you _must_ want to get out of her!_" the voice kept saying. "_You have to get out of—"_

"I… don't want to," I finally spoke. "I have finally found my place."

"_But—"_

"I am not Kuroi Mato anymore," I spoke coldly, becoming more sinister. "And I have no more plans on coming out of her."

"_You don't mean—?!_"

"I belong here. I am…"

The whole place changed, turning into a different dimension. The floor became an old checkered-patterned granite tile. There was no sunlight inside, only the shine of black crystals around me.

_I am Black Rock Shooter._

* * *

_FINISHED!_

_Yeah, so I hoped you liked it. The idea kept my brain racking for more stuff, so I decided to write this story. I wonder if I went OOC about Mato. Anyway, this was fun to write._

_Remember, Read AND Review._

_~AkdC_


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